Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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