Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
