I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
