I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
