ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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