Non-Jews are for practice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
