when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
