The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
