i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
