In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
