Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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