Hey man sorry I got all grabby
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
