I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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