This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
