what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
