If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
