i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize