ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
