I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
