oh god the rape fog is back!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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