you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize