my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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