Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
