Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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