why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
