don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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