This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
