Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize