He is an equal opportunity slut.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You made out with two different species that night
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
