I'm pants shitting drunk right now
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize