Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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