I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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