A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
