There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
