i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
