her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
