i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize