so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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