Got a toothbrush?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
