Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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