that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
