he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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