i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to have your abortion
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
