I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
