my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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