im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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