never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
