Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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