let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im holly from the hills drunk
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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