Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
