All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
