well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
