I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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