Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
