i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize