I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
