WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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