i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
this hospital has no fireball
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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