Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
