I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
