i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize