Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
