If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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