So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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