literally had 100 drinks last night.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
