My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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