There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there's paper in my vomit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
