part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
