Sry I called you an 8
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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