Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
