Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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