Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
