it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
