Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
