There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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