People in love make me want to vomit
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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