the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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