he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
