butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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